The Training!

So Saturday arrives and with eager anticipation we await the arrival of our saviour.
A slight and very lovely lady turns up with briefcase in hand and we are off!
With a cuppa to ease the brain I tell all. The peeing, the barking and oh yes the biting. All is noted and we begin the imitative. I am taught the new command "Bargh", strong and firm in delivery it will stop all bad behaviour. I practice and lady is impressed by my volume and conviction. I am proud for once that I have a big gob.

Then the chain on a string - to be flung at the same time I deliver my "bargh" to attract attention and to assert my authority. A few attempts at delivering both together - tricky for a novice like me- and we attempt to open the door on the offending beasts who are ensconced in the living room. I "bargh" and throw the chain to the floor at the bottom of the door to get them to move away from the door making a clear entry space for me. 'Lady' opens the door and I begin "barghing" and chucking my chain in organised chaos with the desired effect. Well nearly Tommy has retreated to the safe spot behind the sofa and Tetley is looking at me as if to question my sanity. I understand where he is coming from. Stunned silence is what follows from my little fellows and it all seams peaceful and quiet - a taste of things to come?

Well stage one is good and the blighters are now waiting for me to go through doors before them and aware that me - or the chain- are their master/mistress. The next offensive is the walking on the lead without pulling my arm off. So both on the training leads she offers us and I'm up and down the path like a little soldier under her instruction dropping the leads and turning on a sixpence. Now this can make the best of us dizzy but if I mentioned I have suffered from vertigo for several years, which has on many occasions left me sprawled on the floor from an imaginary whirlwind that has taken me yo may understand how I got quite confused. Dropping leads and turning 'willy nilly', Lady getting a little exasperated with me though covering it reasonably well. Well the confusion seemed to work anyway as Tommy was soon eyes glued to me trying to figure out where I may go next, lead relaxed and no pulling. The truth was I didn't know where I was by this stage let alone where I may be going. All in a days training eh!

The good bit I enjoyed with relish was the water bomb session. To stop the little boys from barking constantly in the garden we had to stand at the bedroom window overlooking the garden, water bombs in hand - water filled nappy bags- and when they barked I "barghd" and threw a bag out of the window. SMASHING! oh the joy of doing that is to be experienced. 2 bags gone and silence? What the flippin' eck! my first bit of fun for ages and stopped by obedient dogs, what a dilemma. So husband Geoff is given orders to make as much noise as he can in the pathway outside the garden to incite a riot in the garden. Bags in hand banging and clattering outside and silence in the garden. Now 2 women stood waiting for something to happen is a recipe for gossip and idle chit chat, which we engaged in for around 5-10 minutes until we were brought out of it by a forgotten voice shouting "it doesn't seem to be working". OOps forgot about Geoff out there. So we invited him in to the house and left that exercise as to be continued when they do decide to bark again - homework.
Now 2 hours have passed the dogs are bewildered into silence, I am holding a throbbing headache and a problem with being able to stand up without feeling dizzy from all my tooing and froing with the leads. 'Lady' says "well, I think that's enough for today", we sign a form to say we will be under her command for 12 months for a fee and we wave her off before collapsing on the sofa. Now for the good bit, keeping it up and disciplining ourselves.
First hurdle, Geoff. Who doesn't like the idea of them not coming onto the sofa for a cuddle. Bugger, we compromise that when they are good and understand clearly who's boss we can invite them at our behest and discourage them from coming on their with us uninvited.

It all seems too easy, but we shall see.