Confusious says "Beware the dog baring loving licks"

Only a dog lover can tell you the joy of receiving supposed affection from your dog/s via a good old lick on the chops.
The method I have adopted if I am unable to swiftly dodge the slobbering tongue is, to hold my breath, close my eyes as tightly as I can and hold my breath until I can muster a definite manoeuvre away from the offending pink monster.

Now, not known for my speed and dexterity I am somewhat a sitting target for both Tetley and Tommy's tongues. Tommy has an unfeasibly long tongue for a small dog and can unleash it with frightening speed and accuracy. Tonight, I have experienced something I must now go away and bravely reflect on and, prepare a defensive that will never allow me to be in the same vulnerable position ever again. Tonight I received a most wondrously placed probing and wet tongue not only about my face but also in my right ear. The sound which resonates into your bones is indescribable. That was not the worst of it. That tongue I found out, had only moments before been devouring half of what the cat had left in it's litter tray. The speed at which I launched myself into the bathroom and manically washed would have broken records. I wish to say no more on the matter.